Over the years, I've read this story. I can't find it right now, but I think it is called the Dog and the Scorpion. I first read it when I was very, very young, and I stumbled across it not too long ago. It goes something like this:

A dog was at the edge of a river, and looking for the best place to cross. A scorpion approached, and asked the dog if he could take the scorpion across. The dog replied that he couldn't, because the scorpion would sting him. The scorpion told the dog that he wouldn't do that, because he really wanted to cross the river. The dog heard this, and thought it sounded reasonable. He allowed the scorpion to crawl up to his head, and started across the river. As they neared the far shore, the scorpion stung the dog. As the poison began to race through the dog's system, the dog asked: how could you do this? Now we're both going to die. The scorpion replied: I'm a scorpion, it's my nature.

I always understood the meaning of this story, even as a young kid. I just never adopted it. Pardon my naivete, but I constantly try to improve my behavior and actions, and figure everyone else does, as well. I'm 35, and I still don't understand how people justify certain actions. I'm still too trusting, I think. I really believe that I try to improve myself, and be the kind of person that I'm supposed to be, but I wonder if (mathematically speaking) I'm at the ends of the distribution curve. What makes people think that marriage is just an extended dating period? It's not just a California thing, either. My first wife was raised in as rural an environment as I.

I really hope I've learned my lesson, and can incorporate it into my life without being too cold towards other people. Of course, the risks are higher now, because I have a child. The bar has been raised. I still hear, at times, how much Annie liked the one girlfriend I've had since my second wife left. I did, finally, decide in that relationship that the constant "I love you, but you need to change" was too much. She was an amazing lady, but things were moving too fast, and just not healthy for me. I hope she has since found what she wanted.

That said, there are some things that I hope I don't repeat. If I start dating again, I hope I'll not be blinded by trust and hope to see through ladies that have a history of infidelity, and an inability to act on their words. Frankly, the second part is even more damaging, for reasons I can't explain. If a person tells you one thing, but acts in another way, that now sends a vile shudder through me.

If you happen across this post, I ask that you take some time, just a few minutes, and look at your own words. Do your actions follow what you say? Do you come up with justification why you didn't do it? Strangely enough, the mind throws up an incredible number of defenses, and if you see them, look hard. Words are promises. Breaking those words often has more impact on others than we want to admit. If no one talks about it, it must be ok. That's what we tell ourselves, but it's not true. Most people refuse to engage in the conflict that is needed to help us improve. I forgive my ex's. Mostly, because they can never apologize enough to make up for how I felt after finding out what they had done. I can't think of what they could do to make everything equitable.

With any luck, I'll be able to teach Annie the importance of giving your word, and following through. Maybe that would be enough of an accomplishment for my life. Then again, she might end up like me... sitting at a computer by herself, chimnea providing warmth and a glow as the sun goes down on a Friday night. Wondering who else can see those stars, or the glow of the nearest city reflecting off the incoming fog. Wondering how she is supposed to focus with a large dog snoring behind her. You know? Maybe this isn't so bad after all!

Currently denying scorpion transit requests...