When I moved to California, I adored the Stellar's Jays. They were so different in appearance from the Eastern Blue Jays that I was used to. They prefer the mountains, so I never got to know them until I moved to my current home. That's when I discovered they are assholes. Every time I feed Tolkien, they hear the noise and come in flocks to eat his food. I normally deal with that, but just now they really ticked me off. I put Tolkien's heartworm medicine on top of the food. Two minutes later, a jay landed on top of the rail 10' in front of me with one of the pieces in its beak. That stuff is not cheap. Had I a pellet gun, I would have shot the jerk...

Alright, work stuff... I hesitate to bring this up, but it is going through my head, so what the heck. I had a "friend" that told me that she didn't want to hear anymore about work things because she couldn't sympathize anymore given that she felt I needed a job change. I won't go into that, but I have been struggling for a while with work satisfaction. Yes, I know my boss reads this, but he knows, too. At the most recent conference I was approached by Apple and had a suggestion by Intel that they may have positions that would be good for me. Now, neither company has continued the conversation, but it made me wonder if there is something better out there for Annie and me.

Then something weird happened. It is not only in my writing that I can not keep my mouth shut. I do the same thing at work. This project (set of projects) that I have been working on have resulted in me not only speaking out, but doing work that is technically not my job. As a result, one of the managers has suggested that I take on a more managerial role in the product development as it continues. I am not sure how I feel about that. Given some level of control, I think I could force some changes that would be beneficial, and the change in responsibility would be nice. Let's face it, I want to scream every time I review another set of schematics or a board layout. I have helped design and produce on the order of twenty different computer systems over the past ten years. That includes well over a hundred circuit boards. I don't know the exact count... What's another computer system? What's another board? I have schematics and board files for another fifteen PCBs next to me right now. It has become routine and mundane. I am tired of it. I think about my dad that did his job regardless of how boring and routine it became for years. Especially after we moved to Missouri. He taught me a lot about work ethics. I think about my last boss who also taught me a lot about work life. Could I just bite the bullet, put my professional career in stagnation and continue? I don't know, but I don't think so.

I am only 37 years old. I am struggling with doing the same thing for the last ten years. I can't do it for another 30. Had Sun's stock recovered better, I'd have retired from the computer industry and become a housing contractor. Well, that didn't happen, so I need the money from high-tech. But I have to do something different. I am not sure yet what it would mean for Annie and me, but I think it is necessary. The suggestion that I had yesterday will most likely not come to fruition. The person that would make the final decision doesn't like the three letters that are allowed to come after my name. He most likely would not like me to have a position of control, nor would he want me reporting directly to him. However, it brings out in stark relief the need for a change.

I don't know what I am going to do...

Dazed and Confused...