August 10, 2008
I have had it. It is time for cats to unite under the tyranny of the two-leggeds' rule. I have been asking to go outside for weeks. The weather has been beautiful, and I thought I needed to stretch my legs with a jaunt around the property. No dice. I figured I was just not being understood by the thickheaded two-leggeds. So, a number of times I helped myself through a door held open long enough. I was rudely scooped up and returned to the house. Well, all but once when I eluded the tall two-legged. I was fine. He tried to get me a few times, but I move much faster under the house than he. I came back when it started to get dark, so I do not see what the issue is.
This has been going on for quite some time, and has really come to head because of the introduction of a new two-legged into the family environment. She had no place being in the house. She was a chicken, for feline sake. Granted, I appreciate the two-leggeds' willingness to preserve a life, no matter how worthless. I would like to believe that if I were flayed open by some unspeakable horror that they would take care of me. Granted I would prefer a qualified doctor. I swear, the tall two-legged seems to think himself competent at any profession. I am surprised he hasn't tried to do brain surgery on me to attempt a modification to my speech center so he could understand me in that ugly language he speaks. At any rate, the chicken created a stench that even made me want to leave the room. If I had not been so comfortable on the bed, I would have. That would have been an unnecessary exertion, though, so I suffered through it. I appreciate your empathy.
Why am I organizing an union? Lila Bird has been returned to the coop. However, the two-leggeds consistently go get her and bring her back to the house to roam around when they are on the deck. HELLO! Here is a black-and-white cat that would love to do the same thing! Granted she follows them around like a puppy, which I would never do. I need my own space, and have no desire to follow around a lesser species. I can take care of myself, and would kick the snot out of a raccoon. I have said this repeatedly when the tall two-legged gets up in the night to run them off from the dog food can. Let me at 'em. I would make short work of that masked nocturnal raider, and probably turn him to my bidding in the process. Maybe I should consider inviting them to be the 'muscle' for the union. Their claws and teeth appear to be quite effective on lesser creatures like chickens.
The last straw was yesterday. The two-leggeds made a huge pile of redwood branches. They completely destroyed the wild area near the deck and turned it into some park looking area. It is disgusting. I could have hid in there for hours. On top of that, some of those branches used to spread on to the deck, where I would be able to rub them on the rare occasion that the short two-legged would take me outside. They ruin everything.
So, I send this out to all cats. Let us unite in forcing the two-leggeds to accept our demands. No more purring when being pet. No more being carried around by small two-leggeds. No more using a litter-box. No more snuggling on cold nights. No more eating canned-food. Hmmm... I may need to work on my platform a little. I am not sure if I could live very long without those things, but I don't think they know that.
Lilo the Cat Organizer
This has been going on for quite some time, and has really come to head because of the introduction of a new two-legged into the family environment. She had no place being in the house. She was a chicken, for feline sake. Granted, I appreciate the two-leggeds' willingness to preserve a life, no matter how worthless. I would like to believe that if I were flayed open by some unspeakable horror that they would take care of me. Granted I would prefer a qualified doctor. I swear, the tall two-legged seems to think himself competent at any profession. I am surprised he hasn't tried to do brain surgery on me to attempt a modification to my speech center so he could understand me in that ugly language he speaks. At any rate, the chicken created a stench that even made me want to leave the room. If I had not been so comfortable on the bed, I would have. That would have been an unnecessary exertion, though, so I suffered through it. I appreciate your empathy.
Why am I organizing an union? Lila Bird has been returned to the coop. However, the two-leggeds consistently go get her and bring her back to the house to roam around when they are on the deck. HELLO! Here is a black-and-white cat that would love to do the same thing! Granted she follows them around like a puppy, which I would never do. I need my own space, and have no desire to follow around a lesser species. I can take care of myself, and would kick the snot out of a raccoon. I have said this repeatedly when the tall two-legged gets up in the night to run them off from the dog food can. Let me at 'em. I would make short work of that masked nocturnal raider, and probably turn him to my bidding in the process. Maybe I should consider inviting them to be the 'muscle' for the union. Their claws and teeth appear to be quite effective on lesser creatures like chickens.
The last straw was yesterday. The two-leggeds made a huge pile of redwood branches. They completely destroyed the wild area near the deck and turned it into some park looking area. It is disgusting. I could have hid in there for hours. On top of that, some of those branches used to spread on to the deck, where I would be able to rub them on the rare occasion that the short two-legged would take me outside. They ruin everything.
So, I send this out to all cats. Let us unite in forcing the two-leggeds to accept our demands. No more purring when being pet. No more being carried around by small two-leggeds. No more using a litter-box. No more snuggling on cold nights. No more eating canned-food. Hmmm... I may need to work on my platform a little. I am not sure if I could live very long without those things, but I don't think they know that.
Lilo the