April 19, 2005
The two-leggeds have gained strength, and Sandy no longer fears my wrath or power. My Jedi powers are failing.
First case in point: some of the canned food I get in the morning is absolutely unpalatable. Who puts chicken, beef, or turkey on the table? I like fish, don't you get it? Granted, the beef stuff hasn't been served in a while, but what's with this recent chicken and turkey thing? I've resigned myself to just let Sandy eat it, telling her she owes me.
Another case? Sandy has learned the joys of elevated sprawling locations. Strangely, she has adopted my old spot at the dining room window. Fine, I didn't like it anymore, anyway. It kept falling down on me when the small two-legged would lean against it. It had to be her, it couldn't be that I'm a bit heavy. And, it's not completely level. Please, I don't need my throne to be off by half-a-bubble.
Further? I thought I'd expanded my realm to the deck. However, when I tell the two-leggeds that I desire to go outside, they ignore me. I've tried being very direct, in fact, at first I just walked outside, but was stopped at the threshold of freedom. How big are those feet? That can't be natural, even for a human. Nevertheless, I've been promised by the small one that I will go out tomorrow to survey my corrupt empire.
Lastly? My rule depends on my travelling the "higher road". This often requires me to walk, sit, scratch, and clean on the dining room table and the kitchen counter. The rebels have adopted a vile weapon: a squirt bottle. The first attack happened while I was demanding (as is my right as emperor) my morning sustenance. I strolled across the dining room table explaining my needs and complaining about the poor service (you just can't good help from the two-leggeds). Next thing I know, the Tall One pulls a blue bottle off of the refrigerator and points it at me. A long spray of water came out and hit me. IT HIT ME! Oh, I'm going to leave a present in his shoes... if he ever wears any, blasted redneck. I leaped from the table shouting Et Tu, David?
I've not given up, though. I'm considering making an agreement with the rats, mice, and ants to aid my claim to authority. They seem to be a major thorn in the tall two-legged's control factor, and might serve me well. We shall see...
Lilo the Cat Usurped
First case in point: some of the canned food I get in the morning is absolutely unpalatable. Who puts chicken, beef, or turkey on the table? I like fish, don't you get it? Granted, the beef stuff hasn't been served in a while, but what's with this recent chicken and turkey thing? I've resigned myself to just let Sandy eat it, telling her she owes me.
Another case? Sandy has learned the joys of elevated sprawling locations. Strangely, she has adopted my old spot at the dining room window. Fine, I didn't like it anymore, anyway. It kept falling down on me when the small two-legged would lean against it. It had to be her, it couldn't be that I'm a bit heavy. And, it's not completely level. Please, I don't need my throne to be off by half-a-bubble.
Further? I thought I'd expanded my realm to the deck. However, when I tell the two-leggeds that I desire to go outside, they ignore me. I've tried being very direct, in fact, at first I just walked outside, but was stopped at the threshold of freedom. How big are those feet? That can't be natural, even for a human. Nevertheless, I've been promised by the small one that I will go out tomorrow to survey my corrupt empire.
Lastly? My rule depends on my travelling the "higher road". This often requires me to walk, sit, scratch, and clean on the dining room table and the kitchen counter. The rebels have adopted a vile weapon: a squirt bottle. The first attack happened while I was demanding (as is my right as emperor) my morning sustenance. I strolled across the dining room table explaining my needs and complaining about the poor service (you just can't good help from the two-leggeds). Next thing I know, the Tall One pulls a blue bottle off of the refrigerator and points it at me. A long spray of water came out and hit me. IT HIT ME! Oh, I'm going to leave a present in his shoes... if he ever wears any, blasted redneck. I leaped from the table shouting Et Tu, David?
I've not given up, though. I'm considering making an agreement with the rats, mice, and ants to aid my claim to authority. They seem to be a major thorn in the tall two-legged's control factor, and might serve me well. We shall see...
Lilo the