June 27, 2005
Woe is me. My control of the two-leggeds has sunk even further. Yesterday, the tall one was cleaning house. He moved everything out of the dining room, and swept/cleaned the entire floor. I couldn't believe it. All my strategically placed fur piles were unceremoniously removed. It will take me weeks to replace them. The tall two-legged was oblivious to the fact that they represented the strategic locations of various armies under my command, intent on world domination.
This had the unfortunate result of bringing to my attention that my massing of armies has gone very poorly. I have tried to bring under my sway a variety of creatures, none of which were intelligent enough to recognize the opportunities available. I tried to convince the deer that they should join with me. I even played like I was frightened of them (as if) to lull them into a false sense of superiority. No luck.
Some of the neighbor cats have ventured over, and I've tried to sway them as well. They are too content with chasing lizards, and don't see the bigger picture. They don't seem to see the reward of having two-leggeds bring them food in a can on a regular basis as anything to aspire to. Ignorant hillbilly cats.
I'm almost ashamed to admit that I stumbled across an unlikely ally, and couldn't seem to communicate with him... her... it, whatever. While the tall two-legged was using his porcelain catbox, I observed a long yellow creature slowly moving across the floor. I surmise it thought that moving slowly would keep it from detection, but that bright yellow really gave it away. I tried to talk to the creature, but all I could get from it was that it was a banana slug. Fine, all creatures are equally welcome under my tyrannical rule. In an attempt to gain its focus for a deeper conversation, I walked around it, and pawed at it at times to determine where its eyes were to better focus my intent. I couldn't find any eyes, but some long antennae kept sucking back into its body whenever I pawed at it. I was getting frustrated with its lack of interest, so I decided to bite it a little. Well, it just went downhill from there. For some reason, my whole mouth went numb, and I couldn't talk anymore. I may try to communicate with them again, though. That numbing ability would be very useful in my army.
Alas, I worry that this is not the best time for my minions to gather. I'm thinking of hiring myself out as a strategic consultant for a while. The time will come in the not too distant future when all the stars will align in my favor, and the world will be mine. Oh, geez, there's that dog again. Little does he know that I've design a saddle for him, and he will be my steed as my army marches to victory. I hope he knows how to gait properly...
Lilo the Cat Mercenary
This had the unfortunate result of bringing to my attention that my massing of armies has gone very poorly. I have tried to bring under my sway a variety of creatures, none of which were intelligent enough to recognize the opportunities available. I tried to convince the deer that they should join with me. I even played like I was frightened of them (as if) to lull them into a false sense of superiority. No luck.
Some of the neighbor cats have ventured over, and I've tried to sway them as well. They are too content with chasing lizards, and don't see the bigger picture. They don't seem to see the reward of having two-leggeds bring them food in a can on a regular basis as anything to aspire to. Ignorant hillbilly cats.
I'm almost ashamed to admit that I stumbled across an unlikely ally, and couldn't seem to communicate with him... her... it, whatever. While the tall two-legged was using his porcelain catbox, I observed a long yellow creature slowly moving across the floor. I surmise it thought that moving slowly would keep it from detection, but that bright yellow really gave it away. I tried to talk to the creature, but all I could get from it was that it was a banana slug. Fine, all creatures are equally welcome under my tyrannical rule. In an attempt to gain its focus for a deeper conversation, I walked around it, and pawed at it at times to determine where its eyes were to better focus my intent. I couldn't find any eyes, but some long antennae kept sucking back into its body whenever I pawed at it. I was getting frustrated with its lack of interest, so I decided to bite it a little. Well, it just went downhill from there. For some reason, my whole mouth went numb, and I couldn't talk anymore. I may try to communicate with them again, though. That numbing ability would be very useful in my army.
Alas, I worry that this is not the best time for my minions to gather. I'm thinking of hiring myself out as a strategic consultant for a while. The time will come in the not too distant future when all the stars will align in my favor, and the world will be mine. Oh, geez, there's that dog again. Little does he know that I've design a saddle for him, and he will be my steed as my army marches to victory. I hope he knows how to gait properly...
Lilo the