What sadistic dental professional ever came up with this idea? I went to have my wires changed and had the orthodontic assistant that I will unaffectially name Moron. I'm sitting there like a good patient, mouth open, trying not to spit, belch, or do anything else offensive, and she begins remounting the wires. I have a few teeth that need to be moved quite far before they go to the next stage, so (if you don't know) they have to use wire wraps around the anchors to move the teeth more. I do play a part in making this difficult for the sadists that have chosen orthodontia as a profession: my jaw bones are at least twice as thick as a normal person. I didn't do it on purpose. That, and I have a rather small mouth.
So, Moron goes to work at wrapping the wires around the anchor. She cuts a seven-foot length of wire, and goes to work. She stabs the end of the wire into my podigious jaw.... once... twice... I'm having visions of reaching up and squashing her larynx. I'm close to ripping the vinyl off the arm of the chair. She apologizes, but somehow makes it sound like my fault. "I'm sorry, but your anchors are just so small." I didn't pick 'em. She tries again, I think this time the wire was eight-feet long. She stabs me once... twice... three times, and continues her less than sincere apologies. She turns to get some other torturing tool, and I tell her I need a second. I don't think she realized that it was not just for my sanity, but for her health.
The Moron's volume during her complaints has reached a level in the open orthodontic department that the Orthodontist comes over. I have wire hanging off my teeth, on to the floor, and eventually spilling out into the parking lot. I look at the Orthodontist imploringly. Please, kill me now. Grab this wire and garrote me. Instead, the kindly doctor looks at me, having all the appearance of going through a seizure, and indicates her own willingness to continue extracting what must be some sort of Karma payback for my sins.
She asks for another tool, firmly graps what now feels like a cable the size of which would be used for support on the Golden Gate Bridge, and goes to work.
Low and behold, this Asian angel deftly whipped those wires around the anchors, and the wire got smaller and shorter with each turn. In the time it took the Moron to complain, the doctor was done. My gratitude was the only thing that kept me from giving the Moron the bird, and a quick kick in the butt. During this procedure, the Moron indicated to the doctor that she hadn’t yet finished placing one of the rubber bands on an anchor (not that she was incompetent, of course). I’m not sure if the doctor didn’t fix the band, but when she was finished, the Moron never went back and fixed it, but just excused me (thank you, o’ Queen of putzness). I was so irritated that counter to my normal behavior, I didn’t ask about it. Screw it. A rubber-band fell out (didn’t break) in about two weeks.
I go back in a couple of weeks. I will politely request a different assistant. If Karma again mistakes me for someone else, and she is the only one there, and I can’t cancel my appointment due to leprosy or something, I will let her re-do my wires. Of course, I’ll have my hand on about a pound of her flesh (she could spare it), and if she stabs me again, I’ll be leaving with it…
Wired