June 24, 2009
Long time, no write. I've been busy establishing my new role in the house, having given up on ruling the world. As it turns out, I've found out in my elder years I get intense satisfaction just manipulating the two-leggeds that I allow to live with me.
For example, in the mornings one of the two-leggeds will start moving under the covers around five. They think I sleep in the bed to be 'close' to them. No chance. It's so that I can trigger off their movements. Sometimes the tall one will start moving around as early as two. I take that as the sign for me to begin the wake-up ritual. The wake-up ritual begins with me talking as I walk around the house. I talk about inane things because they can not understand me. Sometimes, I just walk around talking about how funny it is that they have to shovel my poop. Other times, I simply talk about the fact I think they stink. I mean, they only clean themselves once a day. They do not have my dedication to cleanliness.
I like it when I sense an early awakening. It gives me more time to try to get my morning canned food. Unfortunately, I have not managed to get them to feed me earlier than 7:15. That doesn't mean I will stop trying!
Of course, my dedication to cleaning means that I have to dispose of fur at times. The easiest way is to simply go to a major thoroughfare and cough up a hairball. It makes a clean removal given that the tall two-legged has to remove it and clean the carpet. On the other hand, that can have repercussions. So, I sometimes go lie on the tall two-leggeds clothes now that he has a nice closet. I can leave tufts of fur on his clothes. It is kind of nice. Don't get me wrong, I live hair all over the place. I take great pleasure from watching Daddy pick up fur, look at me with scorn, and put it in the trash can.
However, the ultimate pleasure comes from his new shower. He tried to shut the door on me, but he couldn't stand me sitting by the door and talking. 'I can see you through the glass. You're naked. You look funny.' After that, he let me in the bathroom. Now, I sit on the shower floor and watch him do his 'cleaning.' He turns his back on me. I think it is funny. I drink the water off the floor just to add the finishing 'ick' touch for him...
Yes, life is good. I can tick the tall two-legged off any time I want. I still need to find the key to ticking off the short two-legged. It will come...
For example, in the mornings one of the two-leggeds will start moving under the covers around five. They think I sleep in the bed to be 'close' to them. No chance. It's so that I can trigger off their movements. Sometimes the tall one will start moving around as early as two. I take that as the sign for me to begin the wake-up ritual. The wake-up ritual begins with me talking as I walk around the house. I talk about inane things because they can not understand me. Sometimes, I just walk around talking about how funny it is that they have to shovel my poop. Other times, I simply talk about the fact I think they stink. I mean, they only clean themselves once a day. They do not have my dedication to cleanliness.
I like it when I sense an early awakening. It gives me more time to try to get my morning canned food. Unfortunately, I have not managed to get them to feed me earlier than 7:15. That doesn't mean I will stop trying!
Of course, my dedication to cleaning means that I have to dispose of fur at times. The easiest way is to simply go to a major thoroughfare and cough up a hairball. It makes a clean removal given that the tall two-legged has to remove it and clean the carpet. On the other hand, that can have repercussions. So, I sometimes go lie on the tall two-leggeds clothes now that he has a nice closet. I can leave tufts of fur on his clothes. It is kind of nice. Don't get me wrong, I live hair all over the place. I take great pleasure from watching Daddy pick up fur, look at me with scorn, and put it in the trash can.
However, the ultimate pleasure comes from his new shower. He tried to shut the door on me, but he couldn't stand me sitting by the door and talking. 'I can see you through the glass. You're naked. You look funny.' After that, he let me in the bathroom. Now, I sit on the shower floor and watch him do his 'cleaning.' He turns his back on me. I think it is funny. I drink the water off the floor just to add the finishing 'ick' touch for him...
Yes, life is good. I can tick the tall two-legged off any time I want. I still need to find the key to ticking off the short two-legged. It will come...
Lilo the Cat Instigator