What the pheasant is going on? I thought summer was going to be a blast! Only on the weekends would I lose the use of my legs while the short two-legged carries me around, and stuffs me in blankets. The tall two-legged is totally abandoning his care of me. I politely asked to go outside (multiple times) and finally the door opened and I strutted out. Knowing what would most likely happen in a few minutes, I went under the deck. As I expected, Daddy forgot about me. I explored most of the property. I saw deer, and bribed Tolkien to watch out for coyotes. The moon came out, and I prepared myself for a night of singing. Around 2:00 am, Daddy comes out of the house in his pajamas, if that's what you can call sweat pants and a t-shirt (he has no sense of style).

I watched him walk around in the dark looking for me. It was absolutely hysterical. He even went down the hill and looked under the house. Goon. He finally saw me sitting on the stairs, and I told him I was fine and that he should go back to bed. He picked me up, and unceremoniously dropped me on the floor. What the pheasant? I was fine! I talked to him a bit about how unfair it was, but he didn't listen. I curled up on a blanket and slept for thirty hours. Yeah, sometimes it's great being me.

Last night, I ran into the kitchen because I heard a noise that could only have come from a possible minion. He was as dumb as Tolkien. He was chewing on a packet of cheese from the pizza delivery people (pizza... yuck). I told him about all the other things we could share, but he never budged. I tried twice, but finally gave up and went to a window to watch the yard under the moonlight. Daddy got up and went to the kitchen. I watched him for a while, and was shocked to see his arm shoot out and my friend fall to the ground. Note to self: let's not really make this guy mad.

I tried to tell him that I needed outside today... repeatedly. He didn't get it. He made comments about me not having front claws (like that matters), and forced me to stay inside. Fine. I'm fairly certain that I can crap in his sandals...




Lilo the Cat Miffed