December 20, 2005
I've spent the last few days working on creating a graphical representation of a very involved circuit, and then translating it into something I can model using a circuit modeling tool. That is, when I wasn't handling issues that other engineers could have taken care of, but chose not to, given my apparent 'availablity'. Annie went to bed, and I just finished translating all but the last few pieces (another hour or so). Annie fell asleep, and I turned the TV on for background noise. I turned on a movie that I hadn't seen in a very long time: Bye, Bye, Love.
This is a great movie for any single father to watch, however my timing may have been off. If you are a single father who is not someone the media is craving for (i.e. a Deadbeat Dad), you will definitely find something you can relate to. I'm too tired to get into it too much, but Christ on a pogo-stick, there is so much I can relate to, it's scary. Who wrote this crap? I'm not sure what's more frightening, what could/will happen to my daughter and my relationship, or the things that I see in each of the protagonists' lives that are mirrors of my own life. Ok, Matthew Modine's character and I have virtually nothing in common, except a love of our children. That, and, well the endings of the movie regarding the three fathers is not in the cards for me. Not complaining, just clarifying. I'm happy being like the older gentleman working at McDonald's. Probably what I'll be doing some day just to keep busy between infrequent phone calls from Annie telling me about her kids and carreer.
Geez, Randy Quaid's character has a date that makes my last date look like a picnic. It should make me feel better about my half-hearted attempts at dating, but it makes me realize that it could be so much worse, and not worth it. So, I'm really cool with living on my own, and just being a father. Just being a father. Sounds so simple. It's not, but it's the most worthwhile way of spending my time that I could possibly imagine. God, I can't believe how much I have in common with Randy Quaid's character. Paul Reiser's character? Maybe not as much, but if some piece of scheiss ever calls me Annie's 'birth father', as if I was just a sperm donor... well, I grew up in the Ozarks, I have a higher than average I.Q., and I watch CSI. I'm fairly certain I could dispose of a body. Maybe that just exposed a side of me that I didn't want out there, but... lean close to the screen. Watch the letters carefully. Let it sink in. I don't have much left, but I want to be a good father. Maybe, I'm not always a good father. Maybe, I don't always make the right choices. Maybe, I don't always say the right thing. But, I know a few things. When I held my little angel in my arms right after she was born, my eyes opened for the first time, and I saw a whole new world of possibilities and concerns. I devote everything I have in me to being a good father. Whatever my failings are, they do not amount to enough for someone else to think they can be a better father to my Annie. Try if you want, but be ready for disappointment. The other two things, I might share at another time...
Life is good. As it says in one of my favorite Rolling Stones songs:
You can't always get what you want,
But if you try sometimes,
Well, you just might find,
you get what you need....
And I have...
This is a great movie for any single father to watch, however my timing may have been off. If you are a single father who is not someone the media is craving for (i.e. a Deadbeat Dad), you will definitely find something you can relate to. I'm too tired to get into it too much, but Christ on a pogo-stick, there is so much I can relate to, it's scary. Who wrote this crap? I'm not sure what's more frightening, what could/will happen to my daughter and my relationship, or the things that I see in each of the protagonists' lives that are mirrors of my own life. Ok, Matthew Modine's character and I have virtually nothing in common, except a love of our children. That, and, well the endings of the movie regarding the three fathers is not in the cards for me. Not complaining, just clarifying. I'm happy being like the older gentleman working at McDonald's. Probably what I'll be doing some day just to keep busy between infrequent phone calls from Annie telling me about her kids and carreer.
Geez, Randy Quaid's character has a date that makes my last date look like a picnic. It should make me feel better about my half-hearted attempts at dating, but it makes me realize that it could be so much worse, and not worth it. So, I'm really cool with living on my own, and just being a father. Just being a father. Sounds so simple. It's not, but it's the most worthwhile way of spending my time that I could possibly imagine. God, I can't believe how much I have in common with Randy Quaid's character. Paul Reiser's character? Maybe not as much, but if some piece of scheiss ever calls me Annie's 'birth father', as if I was just a sperm donor... well, I grew up in the Ozarks, I have a higher than average I.Q., and I watch CSI. I'm fairly certain I could dispose of a body. Maybe that just exposed a side of me that I didn't want out there, but... lean close to the screen. Watch the letters carefully. Let it sink in. I don't have much left, but I want to be a good father. Maybe, I'm not always a good father. Maybe, I don't always make the right choices. Maybe, I don't always say the right thing. But, I know a few things. When I held my little angel in my arms right after she was born, my eyes opened for the first time, and I saw a whole new world of possibilities and concerns. I devote everything I have in me to being a good father. Whatever my failings are, they do not amount to enough for someone else to think they can be a better father to my Annie. Try if you want, but be ready for disappointment. The other two things, I might share at another time...
Life is good. As it says in one of my favorite Rolling Stones songs:
You can't always get what you want,
But if you try sometimes,
Well, you just might find,
you get what you need....
And I have...