August 29, 2006
I started college in 1988. Some of my friends went into the military, others started jobs, still others went on to college as well. I had a little money from my parents to get started, had some scholarships, and had $70/month from my great-great aunt (Annie) for spending on day-to-day expenses. Others I knew were already making money. Maybe they weren't making a lot, but they were making something... I, on the other hand, was just trying to learn more. It was going to make me more employable, and allow me to earn more money. Patience was the key to success.
Two years later, I was still in school. I had taken a part-time job to make some more money. Had excelled in my studies enough to gain another $4000/year in scholarships to pay for school. Some people had finished with their Associates degree, and gotten jobs. They were making reasonable money, and were very happy. I never waivered from my course. I took a job as a Resident Assistant; partly because I thought the job sounded interesting (positive impact on others, etc.), partly because it would give me three hots and a cot without going to jail to get them. Ok, I only got two hots on Sundays... It was ok. I was learning amazing things, and had long since discovered I had a knack for this Electrical Engineering thing. I had no money, put patience was the key to success.
Two and a half years later, I was finishing my B.S. (take that to mean what you want.) I had taken a student loan and a part time job to make it through the last semester. I interviewed with a few places, but found the jobs lacking. I wanted to know more. I waited until just past the last minute, and beat the streets to see if I could get funding to go to graduate school. I found the necessary funds. My friends went off and started making good money. I went to graduate school. Noodles and sandwiches were generally the fare of choice, but it was ok. I was learning so much the first semester that I went home with a headache before I started on homework that took me into the wee hours of the night. It was ok. I had no money, but patience was the key to success...
Two years later, I took the Ph.D. qualifier exam. I never thought of stopping. The test was given right after St. Pat's weekend, which was huge at my school for partying. I had a call from a friend with whom I'd gone to high school. He and another friend wanted to come up for St. Pat's, and hang out with me. I couldn't. I had to study. He didn't understand. Granted, I'd lived through a number of St. Pat's celebrations, one of which I was a St. Pat's Knight, which leaves gaps in my memories due to the required consumption levels... I took my qualifier exam, and received under-the-table information that suggested that if I hadn't received the highest score they had ever found on the exam, it was one of them. In fact, I raised enough stink during the qualifier that they do it differently now. Another friend called after a several year lack of correspondence. I can still hear his words, "I can't believe you are still in school!" Some of my friends had stopped after their Masters and got jobs. They were going to make really good money. I had received a National Science Foundation Fellowship, and felt like I was doing quite well at $14,000/year. It was about a quarter of what my friends were making, but I was in Rolla, and it was ok. I was living the good life. It wasn't great, but patience was the key to success...
Three years later, I finished my Ph.D. My mentality caused great conflicts with my advisor. He told me at one point that I should quit, or find another advisor. I refused on both counts. I continued through constant threats of not being allowed to complete my degree requirements with evidence that others in similar situations were being treated much differently. I was getting input from industry that suggested that I was doing the right thing. I excepted a job from Sun before I graduated without even being interviewed (I interned for three months). Intel asked me if I was sure, because they felt they could make me a good counter offer. I told them that I had already agreed to join Sun, and I had to stand by my commitment. I need to learn from others that commitments are actually "maybes" cloaked in security. I finished my Ph.D. with no opposition. My final exam went faster and smoother than anything I had yet experienced. The verdict from my advising board was simply, "if he's not qualified, I don't know who is." That's paraphrased, but that's the information I got. I finished my requirements, received my Ph.D., and prepared to work at Sun. The money was mediocre, however, I believed I would show them what I could do, and they would quickly start paying me what I was worth. I really loved the people I had met when I interned, and was prepared to do what I had to do. Patience was the key to my success...
I started out being assigned mundane projects. I accepted this as I really knew nothing about how the industry worked. I assimilated this information very quickly, and was soon begging my boss for projects with more "meat" in them. He gave them to me. Over the next several years, I started working on changing the job that I did. My boss was in favor of it, and with the exception of a few major battles, we finally found ourselves in a position to change my job to what I really wanted to do. Well, almost. But it was close enough for then. I'd received a number of promotions faster than my age typically allowed, and after some hiccups had salary increases that were comensarate with my level. I'd dealt with a number of issues centered around my degree, but had put the lid on my temper and struggled through. I was doing what I wanted, and I could take the response of others.
Now, my boss is leaving. It is probably a very disheartening thing for him that what he built can't stand on its own. I'm being asked to go back and do what I did five years ago. Some of the derision I've dealt with since I came to Sun has come to the forefront. I was patient in attaining my degree. I'm sick and tired of being called a 'Ph.D.' with the sound of inferiority. I already get it from my family. My sister is the only one who has any respect for my degree and what I do. The rest like to say I'm a Ph.D. but think that how I work my job is somehow beneath them. I don't have enough physical labor in my job apparently. That's ok. I've dealt with that, too. But now my job has changed to one that will leave me unmarketable to anyone else. If I do this for more than a year, no one will touch me with a ten foot pole. They know they've got me by the testicles. I can't leave the area because of Annie. The things that I do really well have moved out of the Bay Area for most businesses. Apparently, they have actually talked about it. "David is in a corner, he'll do whatever he's asked to do." That seems to be the concensus...
So? I only have one thing, and that is my integrity. I'm tired of my degree talked about in a derogatory manner. I have a new plan in my mind on how to deal with this. Maybe I'm simply too nice to people. I can change that. Maybe I should be fired. That will certainly make me make some changes... One of my friends/co-workers called me tonight and we had a lengthy discussion, where I think he made a primary point of asking me not to cause any more waves. I don't want to negativelly impact any of my co-workers. Well, none of my supportive co-workers. I personally think I've been accepting of criticism far too long. I just sit and say, "I understand what you are saying." Screw that. If I were at my same level in management, I would not have people four or five grades below me talking disrespectfully towards me. I'm not going to accept it as an engineer at that level. I do things. I make things happen. I convince people that my way is a good way to go. I pay attention to what other people are concerned with, and meld it into what I want to have happen. Maybe Sun would be much better without me. My new boss doesn't want me doing what I'm good at, my old boss is already thinking of being out the door. No one cares about what I want. I'll find someone who does.
Patience is the key to my success...
Done.
Two years later, I was still in school. I had taken a part-time job to make some more money. Had excelled in my studies enough to gain another $4000/year in scholarships to pay for school. Some people had finished with their Associates degree, and gotten jobs. They were making reasonable money, and were very happy. I never waivered from my course. I took a job as a Resident Assistant; partly because I thought the job sounded interesting (positive impact on others, etc.), partly because it would give me three hots and a cot without going to jail to get them. Ok, I only got two hots on Sundays... It was ok. I was learning amazing things, and had long since discovered I had a knack for this Electrical Engineering thing. I had no money, put patience was the key to success.
Two and a half years later, I was finishing my B.S. (take that to mean what you want.) I had taken a student loan and a part time job to make it through the last semester. I interviewed with a few places, but found the jobs lacking. I wanted to know more. I waited until just past the last minute, and beat the streets to see if I could get funding to go to graduate school. I found the necessary funds. My friends went off and started making good money. I went to graduate school. Noodles and sandwiches were generally the fare of choice, but it was ok. I was learning so much the first semester that I went home with a headache before I started on homework that took me into the wee hours of the night. It was ok. I had no money, but patience was the key to success...
Two years later, I took the Ph.D. qualifier exam. I never thought of stopping. The test was given right after St. Pat's weekend, which was huge at my school for partying. I had a call from a friend with whom I'd gone to high school. He and another friend wanted to come up for St. Pat's, and hang out with me. I couldn't. I had to study. He didn't understand. Granted, I'd lived through a number of St. Pat's celebrations, one of which I was a St. Pat's Knight, which leaves gaps in my memories due to the required consumption levels... I took my qualifier exam, and received under-the-table information that suggested that if I hadn't received the highest score they had ever found on the exam, it was one of them. In fact, I raised enough stink during the qualifier that they do it differently now. Another friend called after a several year lack of correspondence. I can still hear his words, "I can't believe you are still in school!" Some of my friends had stopped after their Masters and got jobs. They were going to make really good money. I had received a National Science Foundation Fellowship, and felt like I was doing quite well at $14,000/year. It was about a quarter of what my friends were making, but I was in Rolla, and it was ok. I was living the good life. It wasn't great, but patience was the key to success...
Three years later, I finished my Ph.D. My mentality caused great conflicts with my advisor. He told me at one point that I should quit, or find another advisor. I refused on both counts. I continued through constant threats of not being allowed to complete my degree requirements with evidence that others in similar situations were being treated much differently. I was getting input from industry that suggested that I was doing the right thing. I excepted a job from Sun before I graduated without even being interviewed (I interned for three months). Intel asked me if I was sure, because they felt they could make me a good counter offer. I told them that I had already agreed to join Sun, and I had to stand by my commitment. I need to learn from others that commitments are actually "maybes" cloaked in security. I finished my Ph.D. with no opposition. My final exam went faster and smoother than anything I had yet experienced. The verdict from my advising board was simply, "if he's not qualified, I don't know who is." That's paraphrased, but that's the information I got. I finished my requirements, received my Ph.D., and prepared to work at Sun. The money was mediocre, however, I believed I would show them what I could do, and they would quickly start paying me what I was worth. I really loved the people I had met when I interned, and was prepared to do what I had to do. Patience was the key to my success...
I started out being assigned mundane projects. I accepted this as I really knew nothing about how the industry worked. I assimilated this information very quickly, and was soon begging my boss for projects with more "meat" in them. He gave them to me. Over the next several years, I started working on changing the job that I did. My boss was in favor of it, and with the exception of a few major battles, we finally found ourselves in a position to change my job to what I really wanted to do. Well, almost. But it was close enough for then. I'd received a number of promotions faster than my age typically allowed, and after some hiccups had salary increases that were comensarate with my level. I'd dealt with a number of issues centered around my degree, but had put the lid on my temper and struggled through. I was doing what I wanted, and I could take the response of others.
Now, my boss is leaving. It is probably a very disheartening thing for him that what he built can't stand on its own. I'm being asked to go back and do what I did five years ago. Some of the derision I've dealt with since I came to Sun has come to the forefront. I was patient in attaining my degree. I'm sick and tired of being called a 'Ph.D.' with the sound of inferiority. I already get it from my family. My sister is the only one who has any respect for my degree and what I do. The rest like to say I'm a Ph.D. but think that how I work my job is somehow beneath them. I don't have enough physical labor in my job apparently. That's ok. I've dealt with that, too. But now my job has changed to one that will leave me unmarketable to anyone else. If I do this for more than a year, no one will touch me with a ten foot pole. They know they've got me by the testicles. I can't leave the area because of Annie. The things that I do really well have moved out of the Bay Area for most businesses. Apparently, they have actually talked about it. "David is in a corner, he'll do whatever he's asked to do." That seems to be the concensus...
So? I only have one thing, and that is my integrity. I'm tired of my degree talked about in a derogatory manner. I have a new plan in my mind on how to deal with this. Maybe I'm simply too nice to people. I can change that. Maybe I should be fired. That will certainly make me make some changes... One of my friends/co-workers called me tonight and we had a lengthy discussion, where I think he made a primary point of asking me not to cause any more waves. I don't want to negativelly impact any of my co-workers. Well, none of my supportive co-workers. I personally think I've been accepting of criticism far too long. I just sit and say, "I understand what you are saying." Screw that. If I were at my same level in management, I would not have people four or five grades below me talking disrespectfully towards me. I'm not going to accept it as an engineer at that level. I do things. I make things happen. I convince people that my way is a good way to go. I pay attention to what other people are concerned with, and meld it into what I want to have happen. Maybe Sun would be much better without me. My new boss doesn't want me doing what I'm good at, my old boss is already thinking of being out the door. No one cares about what I want. I'll find someone who does.
Patience is the key to my success...
Done.