Over the years, I've read this story. I can't find it right now, but I think it is called the Dog and the Scorpion. I first read it when I was very, very young, and I stumbled across it not too long ago. It goes something like this:

A dog was at the edge of a river, and looking for the best place to cross. A scorpion approached, and asked the dog if he could take the scorpion across. The dog replied that he couldn't, because the scorpion would sting him. The scorpion told the dog that he wouldn't do that, because he really wanted to cross the river. The dog heard this, and thought it sounded reasonable. He allowed the scorpion to crawl up to his head, and started across the river. As they neared the far shore, the scorpion stung the dog. As the poison began to race through the dog's system, the dog asked: how could you do this? Now we're both going to die. The scorpion replied: I'm a scorpion, it's my nature.

I always understood the meaning of this story, even as a young kid. I just never adopted it. Pardon my naivete, but I constantly try to improve my behavior and actions, and figure everyone else does, as well. I'm 35, and I still don't understand how people justify certain actions. I'm still too trusting, I think. I really believe that I try to improve myself, and be the kind of person that I'm supposed to be, but I wonder if (mathematically speaking) I'm at the ends of the distribution curve. What makes people think that marriage is just an extended dating period? It's not just a California thing, either. My first wife was raised in as rural an environment as I.

I really hope I've learned my lesson, and can incorporate it into my life without being too cold towards other people. Of course, the risks are higher now, because I have a child. The bar has been raised. I still hear, at times, how much Annie liked the one girlfriend I've had since my second wife left. I did, finally, decide in that relationship that the constant "I love you, but you need to change" was too much. She was an amazing lady, but things were moving too fast, and just not healthy for me. I hope she has since found what she wanted.

That said, there are some things that I hope I don't repeat. If I start dating again, I hope I'll not be blinded by trust and hope to see through ladies that have a history of infidelity, and an inability to act on their words. Frankly, the second part is even more damaging, for reasons I can't explain. If a person tells you one thing, but acts in another way, that now sends a vile shudder through me.

If you happen across this post, I ask that you take some time, just a few minutes, and look at your own words. Do your actions follow what you say? Do you come up with justification why you didn't do it? Strangely enough, the mind throws up an incredible number of defenses, and if you see them, look hard. Words are promises. Breaking those words often has more impact on others than we want to admit. If no one talks about it, it must be ok. That's what we tell ourselves, but it's not true. Most people refuse to engage in the conflict that is needed to help us improve. I forgive my ex's. Mostly, because they can never apologize enough to make up for how I felt after finding out what they had done. I can't think of what they could do to make everything equitable.

With any luck, I'll be able to teach Annie the importance of giving your word, and following through. Maybe that would be enough of an accomplishment for my life. Then again, she might end up like me... sitting at a computer by herself, chimnea providing warmth and a glow as the sun goes down on a Friday night. Wondering who else can see those stars, or the glow of the nearest city reflecting off the incoming fog. Wondering how she is supposed to focus with a large dog snoring behind her. You know? Maybe this isn't so bad after all!

Currently denying scorpion transit requests...

I've probably preached about this before, but it deserves another post...

I went through the drive through of a fast-food restaurant yesterday morning on the way to the lab. There was no one else in line, so the following can not be excused by "they were really busy". I pulled up to the speaker, and politely turned off my diesel engine so I could be heard. A lady came on the speaker soliciting my order.

Me: I'd like a "whatever-breakfast-sandwich", and a large coke with no ice, please.
Idjit: How many sandwiches?
Me: One "whatever-breakfast sandwich", please.
Idjit: Ok. One regular breakfast-sandwich, right?
Me: No, the "whatever-breakfast-sandwich".
Idjit: Ok, and a diet coke?
Me: No, a large regular coke, with no ice, please.
Idjit: Ok (gives me the total).

I pull up to the window, pay for my order, wait a little while, and get my sandwich. The lady says "thank you" (I have to give her credit for that - usually they don't say anything). She closes the window and walks off. I stretched out of my truck, and pried open the window. She was far away, and another guy is looking at me, wondering if they are going to be robbed. I ask for my soda, and he hands it to me. The lady laughed, and mumbled "sorry". In the time it took to do all of this, I could have made everything myself...

I've worked fast food, so I know what it's like. I would never have survived if I had behaved like that. In this day of dollar hoarding, have businesses decided that customers only want the lowest price? If so, they are paddling their canoe without getting the oars wet. I will spend a little more money, if I can get the service. I was at the Home Despot the other day, and noticed a register was open (I usually use the "self service" - it's faster). This kid rang up my stuff, exuding bad attitude. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he'd had some bad customers. So, I said "how are you doing today." Seconds ticked away, and I thought maybe he was hearing impaired. Finally, he just says "awight" (translated: I'm doing well! Thank you for asking!). He handed me my receipt, and I left. The only word (I use the term loosely) he spoke was "awight".

Get with it folks! Don't have people interface with customers that can't... well... interface!

Of course, the obvious question for me is: Why do I go back to these places? Usually, I don't until I find myself needing to take advantage of the convenience. There are two Home Despots between home and work. The convenience thing doesn't always work, though. I'm often more frustrated when I leave than if I'd just go to places where I know I'll be treated well...
Available to train employees for a price

The retail world is poised for a significant change, in my opinion. And yes, I know that my opinion, along with five bucks, will get you a good cup of coffee. Anyway, I went to Home Depot looking for a new breaker for the bathtub. I struggle to ask for help (in most situations), but stared at a gentleman who was helping someone else with my "intense stare" that I use on special occasions. He responded to my Jedi Mind Trick, and came to help me. I told him that I needed a replacement breaker for a GTE Sylvania that I was certain wasn't manufactured anymore. He asked me who manufactured my breaker box... Why would I have asked for GTE Sylvania breakers if some other company manufactured the box? "Actually, Square D made the box, and decided that their breakers weren't as good as GTE, and recommend the competitor's products." So, the genius in the electronics department says that I must be mistaken. The breaker must be GE. I actually doubted myself, even though I was staring at the note that I had made when staring at my breaker box... So, I tried to find middle ground by informing him that my breaker box was 30 years old, so maybe I misread it. I bought a 30 Amp breaker at Home Depot a few years ago to run my computers (don't ask - I'm a geek and I admit it). I walked in then and looked up the competitive breaker in a catalog. So? I mentioned to the helper, that I didn't see the catalog. He informed me that someone else had the catalog. Then, he went silent. I was waiting for him to say he would call the relevant person over. No dice. After an awkward silence, he suggested I go to an electrical supply house... i.e. somewhere else. I left disgusted.

There is a comparatively small hardware store in downtown Boulder Creek. Every time I walk in, I'm immediately asked if there is something they can help me find. If they don't have it, they apologize and offer to order it. They often know about how to do projects, and are never insulting with their advice. This is the way conventional retail must go. I'm not alone in being sick and tired of a lack of service from the Big Boys. When they first open, there is a crew of big brothers watching over how they should interact with customers, but soon after they are gone, the staff of the Big Boys goes to heck. We are a people who are tired of spending time dealing with the supposedly cheaper warehouses. Our money also goes for service. If I ask for assistance, you'd better respond. If you are not competent enough to answer the question, that's ok. Find someone who is. The retail world is on the brink of change: a good change. Service is important again. Wake up and smell the wood glue...

Incompetence should not cost me, but them

Dear Flatlanders,

First, I appreciate the need to escape to the mountains when you get the chance. If I lived in the flatlands, I'd be out of there whenever time allowed, too. I understand you wanting to take a trip through the San Lorenzo Valley, and hope that you stop into our small towns and help out the local economy. However, there are some things I'd like to point out...

When driving Highway 9, there are places called turnouts. This is where you move off the road and let others pass. Not only is it polite, it's often the law (California Drivers' Handbook). Now while I realize that the handbook says "five or more vehicles behind you", do it if there is one. As much as I and other mountain folk love to see the majestic redwoods and beautiful views of the valley and the bay, we'd like to enjoy it from home. It's not hard... really... I do it myself when someone is moving faster than me. You just put the blinker on when you see the turnout sign (that's the stem sticking out of your steering column on the left... your other left). You pull into the turnout lane, and slow down. We go buy you, and you pull safely back out onto the road. Have you noticed how when you are going down the road there are times when my big truck comes running up to you? That's because on your right there is a lane I'm praying you will move into. I'm going faster to make it easier for you to use the lane, and keeping you from slowing down more than you have to. I assure you the lane didn't get wider just because Cal Trans wanted you to feel you were on a luxuriously wide lane...

Next? We are not all hippies. Don't comment to us how quaint the mountain folk are. Probably 50% of us are highly educated, and just want some peace. You might be visiting, but this is our home. We'll make you a deal, don't comment on the Charles Manson look alike trying to hitch a ride, the people in the beautiful riverside park that have strange smelling rolled cigarettes, our unhurried gait as we walk down the sidewalk, or the friendly service you get at the local hardware store (alright, you can comment on that), and we won't say anything about seeing you on the side of the road buckled over or hanging out the window even though you "don't get car sick", but Highway 9 proved too much for you.

Ok. That's my rant from the stump for today. Remember, this is our home, not just a place for you to have an outing. Respect our lives and ways as you would like us to respect yours. Oh yeah, stop throwing your trash out of the car window. We don't want it either...

Sincerely, a resident of the San Lorenzo Valley

I can't bring myself to watch "reality TV". I think it is the furthest thing from reality. However, I have beliefs on why this exists. The general public wants to see that "ordinary" people can do something interesting. The participants want recognition. The participants don't generally get enough money to justify eating worms or whatever they have to do. It's about memory and recognition. It's not real. Most if not all of these people will be forgotten in moments. I don't think much of Andy Warhol, but he got something right. He said that in the future everyone would get fifteen minutes of fame. I originally thought he was talking about the media, and that we would get to a point where everyone got a chance for the spotlight. I was wrong. He was talking about the need and desire to be remembered that we all aspire to. We'd get our fifteen minutes of fame, because we would strive for it. The method is wrong, though (in my opinion - which, of course, like noses everyone has one, and you can generally only pick your own). We all want to be remembered. Without the opportunity to be remembered for something great, we'll take what we can get. As I told a friend recently, a parched person in the desert will try to squeeze water from a rock if that is the only thing available.

There is another way, though. Be a hero. Strive to be the best that you can be. Don't justify your bad actions, but do the thing that you know that you should do. A very good friend of mine and I recently had a conversation about acts of good will. He believes that all acts of true goodness fit the true definition of altruism. I respect his opinion, but disagree slightly. I think most people who do something good feel something inside that is a reward. I think that's good stuff, because both parties are rewarded. If good things only come from a complete sense of selflessness, than the number of good acts that people perform will be reduced if not iliminated. We might find ourselves in a state of not willing to do something good, because it doesn't fit the criteria for altruism.

So, I ask that everyone do at least one heroic thing each week. I feel that it's acceptible to feel good about it. Maybe that feeling will grow, and build into a general behavior of doing good things. A word of caution: accept the feeling of doing something good as the reward (if you need one), don't expect it to be returned. Karma doesn't always respond. However, if you continue to try to be a hero, you will be remembered. One of my many heroes is my great-great aunt. Her name was Laura Pearl Yocham. The family called her Annie. She was a teacher to the core. She was a magnificent woman and the matriarch of our family until she passed on. I and a very special family member were with her when she took her last breath. As hard as it was for us, I think she appreciated that we were there. She was 98 years old, as I recall. She was strong, dignified, and caring. She was the only extend family I had when my family moved to Missouri, and one of the reasons we moved there. When we bought our farm, she helped us, and I think bought our first two pigs. One of which, was named Minnie Pearl (my pig). Some of her students continued to write her even up to her death. She had that kind of impact on people. As a result , I have given her the greatest honor that I have in my power to give. My daughter's name is Ann Marie Pearl Hockanson, and the name she goes by is Annie. That and taking over care of her cat are the greatest things in my power to give to sustain the great memory of a wonderful woman, one of my heroes.

I have other heroes, too. I've never been one to have great interest in sports or media folks. My heroes are like a couple I know that while in their mid 20's gave up all they knew. The man, a police officer, found that what he dealt with day-to-day was the sign of a degrading society that he didn't want to subject his children to. They had a daughter, who was born blind in one eye. The doctors told them that they shouldn't expect much from her. She would most likely be "slow". They refused to believe it. They encouraged and pushed her to be the best that she could be. She is currently one of the most brilliant people I know (another one of my heroes).

At any rate, this couple, faced with a future in an area that they didn't believe in, left. They left their known family and friends, in the face of scorn from people who said things like "I hope you know what you're doing". Yeah, that's supportive. They picked up and moved two-thousand miles away. No job. No understanding of what lay ahead, except that it must be better. They bought a farm with a house that the real-estate agent said the best thing they could do was light a match. They didn't do it. Their kids lived in a camper, and they set up a bed in one of the rooms, and set to work rebuilding the home. They did it. They made it work out of sheer determination. They worked as a family to build something out of nothing. The father and mother took jobs where they could and eventually found something permanent. Their kids grew up in an environment of work, trust, and dedication. They had experiences that few others could understand.

That was my mom and dad. My heroes. They don't have bachelor's degrees. They don't have high paying jobs, but they always told my sister and me that we would do something great. There was no question. My sister and I are both highly educated and successful. Granted, she's a liberal (just kidding, sis, I love you), but we have things to be proud of. The catalyst for our lives, in my opinion, began with that hard decision of our parents to move to some obscure place in Southwest Missouri. Be assured, this story will be passed down through my Annie, and her kids, and hopefully beyond.

So, the reason for this post? Go be a hero. If you have kids, it's actually a simple thing. Be there. Be at school. Be outside with them. Show them something wonderful that they don't know about. Go beyond this, too. Make someone at work feel good about themselves. If you go to to a restaurant, acknowledge the work of someone. If you are on the street, talk to someone that you wouldn't normally talk to. If you are driving down the road, let someone in that has made an error in judgement, and is now worried that they'll miss their exit. When you see someone on the road, wave (ok, if you live in a metropolitan area, restrict that to your neighborhood so you don't look like a freak). Be the hero. Include it in everything you do. Be proud of it. Make a difference.
Wanting to be a hero.

This particular category is afforded to allow me to climb up on an oak or hickory stump and expound on what I think are injustices. I read/sense that women constantly have to work to achieve respect in society and, in particular, in the work place. I'd like to vent a moment on the male/father side...

Has anyone actually watched a commercial lately? I'm a single father in charge of everything. Even when I was married, I played a vital role in every decision made. And yet, advertisers portray fathers/husbands as being morons. I understand where it comes from. For years the advertising community created commercials/ads targeting the males. Then, in the '70s or so, they researched and found that it was common that the wives/mothers did the shopping, and turned the advertising direction that way.

I'm an electrical engineer. I see this as being an under-damped system. This is like a pendulum that swings each way, and each time swings a little less to the other side. Like the women I read about that are taking care of kids, I fight tooth-and-nail for the flexibility to make sure that I can walk Annie up the hill to school, and pick her up after daycare. I've had job opportunities that offered more, but wouldn't entertain them given the flexibility that my current job offers.

So, why is it that 90% of commercials (ok, that's a guess, I could do a statistical analysis if necessary), depict the male in a household to be an idiot? They are portrayed as lazy, stupid, and uninvolved. Frankly, if women really believe that, why would they ever have relationships? If women really respond to that, I will be devistated. If anyone ever suggested that my wife (ok, wives) were less than brilliant, I'd have been all over them (granted, it's ok now). At any rate, I can't believe that women could possibly be intrigued by that. Why would you (if you were involved with a man and jointly making buying decisions), find that compelling?

So, if there are advertising people out there who care about what a middle-classed male would be persuaded to buy, you've been failing. I actually choose products against you if you portray me as a father in an unflattering light. I'm dedicated and aware about what goes on in my family's life. Perhaps it is unorthodox, but if you discount me, you'll feel it... one purchase at a time.

Doing my best

I decided to put this in a separate post rather than just respond to the comments. Believe it or not, this person is actually a good, good friend of mine. Unfortunately, she seems to have taken a nasty fall off her broom, and decided to take it out on me...

Poor kid. I guess it’s true what they say about fathers. They always need to mold things into their image. Leave the girl alone. If stuffed animals make her happy at show and tell.... what’s to be disappointed about. Nothing disappoints a parent more than the fact that their kids were not created in their image in all ways.

Up yours. I am an intelligent human being who has complete dedication for what I'm dealing with. I constantly re-evaluate myself on what I'm doing right or wrong. I know my wrongs, and don't want Annie to adopt them, but I'm eager for her to adopt the things that I do right. You know, like going to a friend's house and building a new porch roof while they are gone so it is there when they come back. Like teaching a friend's child to love the feeling of riding a horse with skill. How dare you comment on the truth of what they say about fathers. Fathers who are dedicated to their children should be a good thing. The general pop-culture doesn't want us to be; they'd rather complain about bad fathers, but don't want to accept dedicated fathers. I deal with this all the frickin' time. People who tell me that children are better off with their mothers. Remember that conversation? My daughter is the angel in my life. She is the reason for my existence.

Regarding icky… based upon popular opinion??? Is it not possible for one to take popular opinion… and then the opinion according to David and make their own decision without being pummeled and pestered to conform to either one? You strike me as a bully. I have lived perfectly well for 40+ years chosing not to put spiders on my list of favorite things! And who are you to tell me otherwise. Parents can convince their offspring that all sorts of things are cool… like prejudice, intolerance etc… because of the powerful role they play in their lives. Enforcing ideas and behaviors by repetition… you will like this,... chinese water torcher by spide and slug until one ultimately conforms.

Hmmm... Are we talking honesty here? You have lived fifty- years, with a small standard deviation and an upper specification limit of 50. Perhaps I wasn't clear in my post (the one you didn't accurately comment to.) I didn't force or coerce Annie to accept spiders or banana slugs. I simply showed her that I didn't have the same concerns that she had learned from popular opinion. When she disagrees with my belief, I accept that. I just don't want her to accept popular opinion without investigation. There is no "chinese water torcher" (or torture) going on. I express to Annie my thoughts, and tell her that she can make up her mind. I'm trying to teach her that the "norm" needs to be tested, and according to the things we've done, it's worked. I may not be the best parent, but I have my good points, and I accept what Annie believes, and just ask her to be sure.

I am terrified of spiders. I have an electronic spider sucker. I cannot bear to even mash them with my shoe. I scream, get hysterical and carry on when one is in the house until it is flushed. Victoria the other day however, when there was a particularly large spider in an area where my spider sucker would prove to be ineffective… stepped up, said “for God sakes Mom, it’s just a spider!” Took a paper towel and plucked it off the wall while I screamed the whole time. My mother always said… “You carry on like that and you are going to teach her to be afraid of spiders.” Well I have and did, but to my credit did not say “you must be afraid of them” and walla! She is a product of making her own informed opinion. “Do I want to run around like and idiot when I see a spider like my Mom?” Victoria’s answer was obviously with no influence from me… a definitive ‘No!”. (I would prefer to have company in my panic) Viva free will, uninfluenced by the powerful. Course she is mean as a snake at times… hence snake trumps spider every time. I however am not afraid of anything reptilian or rodent like.

Perhaps she learned it from her father.

Trying to be a good father

This morning the traffic report on the radio had no less than twelve accidents on the main highways/freeways around the South Bay Area. Highway 101 had four over a span of about 15 miles. For those of you unfamiliar with the Bay Area climate: in the winter? It rains. A lot. Where I live in the Santa Cruz Mountains we get over 30 inches of rain over winter and early spring.

For those folks who live in the Bay Area, and are reading this, the following can't possibly pertain to you, so you can just commiserate. When I first moved to the Bay Area I was very impressed with the general level of intelligence. It was inspiring. However, when the rain starts, something happens. In computer speak, I'd say that Bay Area folks flip a bit. Medically, I think they have a series of very small strokes that occur in the part of the brain responsible for driving. So, for the denizens of the area that are experiencing a localized stroke in the driveamus campus part of the brain, read carefully: Just like last winter, it is going to rain this winter. When it does, get the frick off the cell phone. Drive a little slower. Use the lever on the left side of your steering column - it's called a signal, look over your shoulder instead of just ripping into the next lane. Maybe, just maybe, drive a fraction slower. Look ahead, and stop looking at the coffee stain on your pants from the recent near accident you had for not following the preceding directions.

As evidence of the medical condition that afflicts some Bay Area folks regarding driving, I give you the following: While driving in to work one morning, I pull into the exit lane. The traffic on the road I want is fairly dense, so I have to come to complete stop. I'm completely off the freeway by at least twenty yards. I look in the review mirror and see a car barreling toward me. In hopes that I will create a psychic link to the driver, I begin shouting "STOP! STOP! SLOW DOWN!" Unfortunately, my psychic powers failed me, and the car hits me from behind after too late trying to stop.

I exit the vehicle, and look at the crunch in the bumper. The other driver gets out, and I brace myself for the expected transfer of blame, even though I was at a stop with traffic stopped in front of me. Surprisingly, she got out and apologized. She gave me her insurance information, and never asked for mine, saying her insurance would take care of it. I was speechless and dazed when she said "This happens to me all the time."

Ok, I'm climbing down from my stump, and hoping Karma doesn't put me in the ditch today.
Experienced in Driving in Ice - Rain is not a Problem