I was in the lab yesterday fairly early in the morning. It was early enough that the commute was a breeze, which was nice! I started rebuilding a machine for testing. A couple of hours later, with glazed-over eyes, we rolled it into the chamber, and tested it. It looked quite good, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I've got a couple of projects where the communication protocols are giving me a lot of difficulty in controlling the emissions. Confused? Good. Join the club. We have t-shirts.

Well, after a moderate success, I moved on to working on the other problem project. We were not making any progress. The data was confusing. I was frustrated, and my stomach was getting in a knot. Normally, I get in a zone at work, especially in the lab, and I skip eating. It takes too much time, and distracts me. Damned distractions. I need to be a solar creature. I can go pace in the sun for a while and think, and absorb the energy. However, I don't want to have a green tint... Anyway, I decided to run get something to eat. It was only 10:30 in the morning, but I had been up and at 'em for a long time.

My first thought was to go find something healthy. I punched the GPS for local food, and decided it was going to take too long. I was willing to accept the grease in a bun from Jack in the Box because it was close. I scooted down to Jack in the Crack, and found a parking space right in front of the door. Within two minutes, my order was being grilled and I was patiently waiting to receive it. I looked towards the end of the restaurant and saw a kid of about fifteen bouncing around outside, literally. From that angle, I couldn't see my beautiful car. I dismissed it, the kid came in, went to the bathroom, and started talking in Spanish to a lady behind the counter. She was either his mother, or he worked there.

My food was ready, and I happily ventured out of the restaurant with my grilled chicken and Coke in hand. I took two steps out of the store, and came to a stop. I haven't washed my car in a couple of months, and it had developed a thin layer of dust. Undisturbed, it was not too bad, but now? On the hood of my car was the obvious imprint of a butt. On either side were swipes in the dust from hands. Someone had freakin' sat on my hood, leaned back, and wiped their hands on my car. I was ticked. I am 85% sure that it was that kid. Aside from the employee that I saw earlier out there, and the mother and two kids I saw leave, he was the only one out there. I turned and considered going in to confront him, but decided he would deny it, and the establishment would argue in his defense. In frustration, I drove away.

Please, people, teach your kids to respect other people's property. Teach respect. I'm not saying I was always great when I was a kid. I did some things when I was kid for which I am not proud. I confess that I still laugh. Getting into the Volkswagon minibus and moving it two blocks down cracked me up. It hurt no one, and the person got up the next morning wondering how the vehicle ended up there. Probably wondered exactly how many joints had been smoked the previous night. My crowning moment was when my friends and I unscrewed all the light bulbs at the local electric co-op. We broke NOTHING. The place was lit up like a Christmas tree, and I found it ironic that an electric co-op would burn that much power. Without exaggeration there were three times as many lights on this small building as were necessary for security. The lights obviously did not provide security given that five of my friends and I were able to climb all over the place and unscrew them. I know I have written about this before, but I still find it hysterical. We turned that place to darkness, and ran away laughing. I felt a tiny bit guilty that it was reported in the newspaper that vandals had broken all the lights. I felt guilty only because I had underestimated the intelligence of the people working at the electric co-op. Honestly, who takes out a light bulb without looking at the filament to see if it is broken or not, screwing it back in, and checking to see if it works. I guess it was easier to replace them and push the cost to the co-op members, which is my second feeling of guilt. I never intended for anyone to have to pay for that. Not my style.

Yes, I made some mistakes, and it certainly wasn't because my parents didn't teach me respect. I guess I pushed it further than I should have. I never would have sat on a car that was not my own. I am probably just digging a big hole here. I'd better stop...

I hope the dust doesn't come off his pants...

TEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad Thing: Annie's grandmother dropped her off today and had to use the bathroom. She politely and elegantly informed me that she thought the toilet flushed funny, and that there was crap in the bathtub. Yes, the sewer line had clogged again.

Good Thing: It took me about fifteen minutes to dig up the access to the septic tank, and snake out the pipe. As of today, the cost of having a plumber do this has exceeded the cost of buying my own auger... not to mention the time impact of calling tonight and having him come out tomorrow. We rock. Annie thought it was disgusting, but could not help poking the sludge in the septic tank with a stick.
Crappy...

I have a ton of things to write about... Annie's and my trip to Missouri, politics, economics, and some things I can't put out there given the few people that I know read this. Anyway, this is what is on my mind right now...

I have a great deal of difficulty going to the doctor. I know that some people can visit the doctor and come out with miracle solutions. However, I am a Hockanson. Somehow, we are an enigma to the medical profession. Actually, it is just part of Hockanson luck. We do not win things, and we never have an easy time when it comes to a consultant. It might be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but that is just the way it is. I wait as long as possible to go to the doctor for things that most people make the trip, and then get told, "you are over the worst of it. Go home, and we will bill your insurance and you for the co-pay." Um... Why did I visit you?

Right before Christmas, I broke out on my upper back with a very itchy rash. I went through a methodical review of any possible changes I had made to my diet or frankly anything else right down to where I bought my Coke. There was no change, and I waited to see if it went away. Well, I had bouts of intense itching during the night countless times, and the next thing I know it is seven months later. Finally, I went to the doctor. I paid my $25 co-pay and the insurance was billed their part. The doctor was very nice, but she had no idea what was wrong, and refused to give me something. She sent me to a dermatologist. Yesterday, I went to the dermatologist and she didn't know what it was, but she prescribed something. I paid my $15 co-pay and the insurance was billed.

I admit that I have a problem with a profession that 'practices.' If someone came to me with a problem and I said that I had no idea what was wrong, but pay me anyway, I would get laughed at, and fired. By the way, both of these visits took less than 15 minutes between the doctor and the nurse... On top of that, the medication was essentially Cortisone. I could probably have adopted a routine on my own with that and not gone to the doctor...

I am supposed to go back in eight weeks. We'll see if I am willing to do that...

I am destined to be punished by Karma to marry a doctor... a medical doctor, that is...


I could be a medical doctor... It's almost like being a weather forecaster...

Yeah, I know the time, but I am up. One of my oldest friends just called me. Oldest is not the right term, but we don't seem to have a good description for this kind of thing in the English language. Essentially, he has been my friend longer than virtually anyone else; he and his wife. Before I rant, a Brad Paisley song seems to be on topic:

If Love were a Plane - Brad Paisley

She’s 98 lbs. workin down at the Dairy Queen
with an Ogilvie home perm and braces.
And he’s long haired, no job and just 19
they’ve got a baby on the way and
they’re off to the races

in love, look at em go
now what in the world
could go wrong?
don’t tell them the odds
its best they don’t know.
If love was a plane, nobody’d get on.

at the ivy at lunchtime in Beverly Hills
the popparazi are gathered outside
cuz an actor and an actress are havin lunch
and according to Extra and Entertainment Tonight

they’re in love look at em go
now what in the world could go wrong?

don’t tell them the odds,
its best they don’t know,
if love was a plane nobody’d get on

imagine now the pilot's voice on the intercom
right before we leave the ground
saying folks thanks for flying with us
but theres a six in ten chance we’re goin down
but that’s the strangest thing about this emotion,
even knowng our chances are small,
we line up at the gate with our tickets
thiknkig somehow were different

I mean after all
we're in love look at us go
now what in the world could go wrong?
to hell with the odds we'd rather not know
if love was a plane, nobody'd get on
ya, if love was a plane nobody'd get on

I can't go into it deeply, but my friend's wife has shown evidence of infidelity. He is a wonderful, dedicated, and hard working person, and now has no idea how his life is going to progress. What the crap is wrong with people that they can not deal with their issues without screwing other people over?

Pissed.

I have a quick gripe.

Last Sunday before I picked Annie up, I went to the mall to buy some things. One of the things I wanted to buy was a new book.

There is a store in the mall that sells nothing but ball caps. They seem to keep up a business.

However, there are no bookstores in the mall. There used to be two. I have tried to convince myself that it is because bookstores have gotten so large that they have to have a coffee shop, and places for people to read without buying anything. But, I am not sure. Libraries are dying left and right, and bookstores are becoming larger and more scarce. I find it a frightening description of society. Does no one read anymore? Maybe we are buying our books online. I don't know.

If you get the chance, read Michael Ende's The Neverending Story. It is incredible if you get it in the right format. I won't get deep into it, but it was a great book not only in the writing, but in the presentation. He describes a story that indicates the need for imagination, but the danger in letting it get carried away. Balance in everything, right? I struggle to see it today. Sometimes, Annie and I read out loud, and I encourage her to read with emotion. She gets it, and when we do it together she does a beautiful job. I tried to encourage a neighbor kid one time in this area. It was horrible. Granted, she was not interested, but I tried anyway. I went home and got my compilation of Edgar Allen Poe to coincide with something she was doing at school. I asked her to read a story. It was the most monotone and uninterested thing I'd ever heard. I think I tried some Shakespeare as well. Nothing.

We have become so engrossed in the visual media that we have lost the ability to experience the excitement that what we conjure in our own minds far exceeds what Hollywood can provide. Good book? Wait for the movie. The brain has become a motor that moves slower and slower. Images that are not instigated by a CRT or an LCD have apparently vanished. Why create it in my own mind if it will appear on its own?

It's very sad. I make Annie read every day. When she starts, she is a bit resentful, but when she finishes, she is very excited. Reading breeds independence, it breeds change, it breeds motion, it breeds change.

Don't kill the written language.
Turn it all off, and read a book...

Yup. Karma and her new husband Murphy have returned from their honeymoon, and they started immediately on me. Don't get me wrong, they had a few excursions while away where they said, "wouldn't it be funny?" It wasn't. But that's ok. I can handle it. I hope it ticks them off completely that I can handle it. By the way, if they are reading this, I'd really appreciate knowing why I am a focus of their endeavors.

It's not really a big deal, but I would really like for a plan to work out the way I intend just once. Well, maybe a couple of times... The first thing was when I pulled out the circular saw to cut the existing mudsill between the bathroom and the closet so I could move the entry. I haven't used the saw in a while, and the masonry blade was what was installed. I went to change it, only to find out that the only blade I had was chewed to pieces. Alright, that's my fault. I should have paid attention to it when I switched them last. I made the cut by hand, and also built the header without the advantage of this valuable tool. No biggy. I made it all work.

Next I put in the new side board for the doorway. I have difficulty holding an ~8' board steady and hammering the bottom of it for some reason. So I decided to pre-drill the nail hole. I grabbed the cordless drill and started the hole. The battery was dead. Strange, I just charged it. No problem, there was another one in the charger. I plugged that one in. Same thing. Both batteries died at the same time. They couldn't hold a charge to save their lives, which is exactly what was at stake. I put the board in place without pre-drilling, and then noticed how twisted it was. I grabbed this 2x4 because it was leaning on the garage. It has been there quite a while, and I didn't think about it being damaged by the sun. I know, what an idiot. It is installed, but it is twisted and not even close to plumb. No worries. I can fix it.

I knocked out the two 2x4s that were still in the way with the hammer not bothering to cut the nails off given that my reciprocating saw was dead. Then I went after the next challenge. It is very funny to look at the bathroom walls. Well, it is not funny, but if you don't laugh will take a splitting maul to the whole freakin' thing. The doors have been moved so much in the past thirty years that headers occupy about sixty percent of the top lengths for two of the walls. One of them happens to quietly reside where I need to put my new closet access. Hmmm... I can make it work. However, the area requires me to do some rather precision cutting. I can't do it by hand, there is no room. I need my (usually) trusty tools.

I turned to the wonderful internet. How much could batteries be? The answer: $90... each. The tools themselves are currently going for about $200/each. Battery and the associated interface technology is apparently very expensive. I don't have much of a choice. I guess I will be making a trip to Home Despot tomorrow.

"Geez, HockanDoc, you are working on this on a 'work day'?" Yes I am. I worked several hours this morning, and in the process I received my annual review. I got an 'average' rating. The last quarter of the fiscal year I worked tremendous hours to help solve problems that were not my responsibility. My senior manager told me that I was racking up some serious comp time. Fine. No extra money for what I did regardless of the e-mails I received that said they wouldn't be as far along as they were without me. So, I am taking comp time. In a couple of weeks, I'll receive a notice from HR that says that I have maxed out on my vacation accrual. So, I will be taking vacation. Granted, I'll be hanging out at the house and working on the bathroom, but I intend to do it. Frankly, I should have a rather easy work life until at least Christmas. Don't worry, Sergiu, I'll not let anything fall through the cracks, but I'll not be busting my butt to make sure the cracks are sealed before it hits. Yes, I know we will talk about this...

So? I don't think I'll get the bathroom done by Christmas, but maybe by my birthday. Who knows? That might include the entry to the study as well!




Bring it on...

I was in the lab yesterday. I was bouncing around between testing support and building systems. No, this is not normally my job, but I want this project to be successful, and know that I can do it. Another engineer walked through and asked, "are you working late tonight?" No, I replied, I am hoping to get out of here very soon. "Don't you have to pick up Annie?" I explained the summer routine. Then he asked the relevant question. "Don't you get lonely out in the middle of nowhere by yourself all the time?" I normally am moving in the lab constantly. However, I stopped.


Yes, yes I do.

Nothing to say...

I got lazy, and I am suffering for it. I worked from home today. I probably should have gone to the lab, but I felt that I could be more productive from here. In complete cyborg fashion, I sat on the deck with my hands cemented to the keyboard, a cellphone earpiece in one ear, and a home phone earpiece in the other. There were probably lasers shooting out of my eyes as well...

I was punching away, and the phone rang. In answered it without looking, and it was a freakin' telemarketer wanting to talk about my home loan. I politely informed the person that not only did I not have a loan with the company they were referencing, but that I was puzzled on how they could call me. I had never talked to them before, and I am on the no-call list. The person said thank you and hung up. This exact scenario replayed itself a couple of hours later. Exactly. Right down to the thank you and click. And yes, it was a different company.

I need to be more diligent. I need to take a few more minutes, sound interested, and find out more information about the company and caller before I give them the opportunity to hang up. I would like to think that they are idiots to think that calling me will make me suddenly realize that I need to change my loan, but I am the idiot because I did that on my last two refinances. The callers caught me in a good mood, and I ended up doing it. The last one was really smooth. She and I talked and talked, and I actually asked her out! I know. I am severely mind damaged. She and her daughter actually visited for a weekend. It did not go as well as I would have liked, and I think we both left the situation feeling that there was no point. I am sure we each have our issues with why, and they are completely right. Ultimately, I shouldn't date... at all...

At any rate, I don't understand why companies, in particular mortgage companies continue to get away with this. The only other sector that seems to do this as much is stock brokerages. I got a call one time from some firm and the guy started out saying that we had talked before and that he was calling back because I told him to. I cornered him on it because, although it is degrading, my memory is pretty solid. His stuttering and explanations informed me that we had never talked and he was violating the no-call policy. I believe that phone call also ended with him hanging up on me.

To the Telemarketers out there: Don't call me. I have no money, and I don't want your crap. If I have a problem with my situation, I'll look for you. My current mortgage is pretty good, so I don't see a need to change for quite some time. By the way, this goes for the so-called "charity" organizations. These are the worst. They hire people to try to guilt you into contributing, and adopt the latest technique in telemarketing: it is already happening, and they just need to check your address... I really need to investigate the distribution of funds for the charity organization that I gave some time ago. They call back every six months to inform me that they have my pledge stuff in the mail...

I wish I could just hang up on people. Please, call me and help me practice. Just call, and tell me that we are going to work on this. You can go into a spiel that your from the Highway Patrol Support Organization. Start with this, "Hi, I am calling for the Highway Patrol (or Santa Cruz County Sheriff's Department or whatever), and we have a program/circus/whatever going on in Santa Cruz, and are confirming that we can send x number of tickets to you in support. You want to keep drugs away from kids don't you?" It as that point that I will train myself to laugh. I will remind you that I live in the Santa Cruz Mountains, and when I ride my motorcycle home from work, it is fairly common that I am greeted by the smell of pot coming from the car in front of me. You will say, "well, don't you want to see that stopped? Aren't you a good citizen?" At which point I will reply, "I think I am, but your program is obviously not working. Why would I want to continue sending money into a program that is obviously dysfunctional?" That is when you will say, "if you can't attend the (program of choice) you can send the money, and we will give the tickets to some kids that can't afford to come." To which I say, "the program is not working. Have you driven around the Santa Cruz Mountains? Have you spent any time here? No, I am not contributing." We'll go back and forth on this for a while, and then you'll hang up. Here is what we need to work on. I should be the one that hangs up. Help me work on this...

I AM NOT INTERESTED...

Too busy to type a good post, so I thought I'd let someone else describe my current frame of mind...

Into the Ocean - Blue October

I'm just a normal boy
That sank when I fell overboard
My ship would leave the country
But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life vest I'd be stuck again
Wish I was much more masculine
Maybe then I could learn to swim
Like 'fourteen miles away'

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound
Like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my
Everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be
be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard
I keep looking each direction
For a spotlight, give me something
I need something for protection
Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine
the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind
I'm treading for my life believe me
(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think
I scream aloud, begin to sink
My legs and arms are broken down
With envy for the solid ground
I'm reaching for the life within me
How can one man stop his ending
I thought of just your face
Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun
I calculate what I had done
Like jumping from the bow (yeah)
Just to prove that I knew how (yeah)
It's midnight's late reminder of
The loss of her, the one I love
My will to quickly end it all
Set front row in my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
Into the ocean, end it all
into the ocean...end it all

[Zayra]
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(In to space)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
(I thought of just your face)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)
Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

Alright, some of the words are stronger than truth for me, but it captures most of it.

Is that light the end of the tunnel or an oncoming train?

Not writing because work is trying to kill me...
Put a fork in me...