I gave Annie what my warped brain thinks is a really cool present for Christmas: a microscope. I think it is awesome, and she seems to as well, but she might just be being polite. At any rate, we spent hours on Christmas Day looking at various things. Mostly, we looked at the prepared slides that were included as a free gift with the microscope. The scope can connect to the computer, but they neglected to include the right software, so I have to take care of that. However, I managed to find a driver that allows for a connection with another program. Here is a picture from the microscope and 100x magnification of part of a flea. Don't let this give you nightmares...



We are going to cultivate some water samples to see what we can see from things like the San Lorenzo River, and hopefully the ocean... This thing rocks...
Geek, and proud of it...

Well, Halloween has come and gone for another year. Halloween was ushered in this year with our first storm of the season. The wind and rain are politely scouring the trees to remove the parts that are no longer needed, and the detritus covers the road, driveway and my deck. Unfortunately, it has put a damper on my weekend chicken coop plans...

At any rate, for the first time in years, Annie was not with me for Halloween night trick-or-treating. Nonetheless, we had our traditional getting up early and costuming. Annie was very pleased with the result:



For some reason, she really likes having black hair...

Left to my own devices, I decided to finally eat the rattlesnake. I fried it in a little oil with garlic, dried hot peppers, and lemon. I made a hollandaise sauce and served it over a bed of rice. Frankly, I think it looked quite good.



Unfortunately, it turned out there really was not a lot of meat there! It was really good, though. I wouldn't say it tasted like chicken. I can not describe it. I guess it tasted like rattlesnake!

Moodless

I don't truly believe that Annie remembers the time that her mom and I split much at all. She has vague recollections that spark certain feelings in her, but I do not think she remembers the details. Nonetheless, it was with a certain amount of pain that I read her latest assignment for a personal narrative, and the topic she chose. She had already edited the piece several times at school, and I was not allowed to correct or edit anything in her work...

Parents Split,
by Annie Hockanson

Once a long time ago my parents got divorced. They were in a room arguing. I was sitting in the living room listening. I cried a lot. I took the news very hard. My dad and I were very scared and worried. I felt bad for my dad and I think he felt bad for me too.

Later on my mom was gone. My dad and I were crying by the time she was gone. The next day I had to go to Pre-school. I was still crying. My dad dropped me off. When he got into the gray truck and drove away I waved goodbye while tears were going down my cheek. He waved back to me. I felt sad because my dad was leaving me at school.

Finally, it was nap time and I went to go get my special Snow White pillow out of my cubby. I still was crying. I wasn't so sure about dad but I think he was probably crying also. Dad was calling a lot to see if I was ok at times but usually I wasn't. Then Pre-school was over. I was happy when my dad came to pick me up. I wasn't crying because he was with me. I will never forget that time because that was the time my mom left.

Some of the details are wrong. Annie's mother and I did not get divorced right away, and Annie was not aware of our argument on the day her mother left. She was sleeping in her crib, which had been converted into a 'daybed.' In fact, we didn't even really argue. I had woken early and made a big breakfast, which she climbed out of bed long enough to eat, and then went back to bed. I cleared the table (wow, I forgot that we actually used to eat at the dining room table!), and brought in the tools and lumber for our project that we had both agreed would be tackled on that Saturday, with the expectation that the following day would be a 'play day.' I sat on the side of the bed and told her that I didn't think she really wanted to be there, or with us as a family, and maybe she should go stay with her parents. To my stupid surprise, she agreed.

Sorry, my memory ran away with me. At any rate, when I called the pre-school during the day after our typical horrible morning separations, which left both of us in tears, and I waved to her until I couldn't see her any more, narrowly missing parked cars, she was fine. She was laughing and playing with everyone. I admit that her personality changed significantly during that time, but it is what it is.

She has pieced this together from her own recollection of feelings, and I am surprised that she even chose this as her topic. I also worry that her mother is painted in sort of an bad light in this narrative. I have never suggested to her that her mother did anything wrong, but rather that this is just what happened. I have even told her I think I am better off in some ways with her mother having left. Still, she seems to have this feeling of... what? Betrayal? Abandonment? I don't know... I hope she does not truly remember the pain she describes.



Confused...

I am not really good at dedicating lengths of time towards play. Annie and I play in between activities that are more like work, but I have never been really good about taking a large block of time (days) and just playing. I constantly think about the work that has to be done. When I picked up Annie today, her maternal grandparents asked if I had made any progress on the bathroom. I responded with the fact that the bathroom is on hold until the chicken coop is done. Annie commented that we have a lot of projects to do around the house. She is not wrong...

I have wondered at times if I am negatively impacting her with all the work we have to do. At times like today, I do not think so. We moved the beams for the chicken coop up today, and leveled one into place. She was a great help sliding pieces of wood under the beam and checking the level for accuracy. Afterward, she drilled the holes for the bolts in the boards that will form the end caps. Annie and I share a lot of learning traits. She watches, then she does, and figures out the nuances that way. The 2x8s were on saw horses, which were a bit tall for her to get her muscle on the drill, so I had to help push, but she was all over it. I had her choose the bit, and went through how to choose the bit so this bolt would slide through the board. With help, she picked the bit, and I put it in the drill. I drilled the first one, and she watched me with an expression of complete absorption. The first six holes, I cleaned out the hole with the bit, and she always checked the holes to make sure the bolt slid through properly. After that, she said she wanted to do 'that part,' too. 'That part' being the cleaning of the hole. So, from that point on, she finished out the holes, and did a spectacular job.

A very good friend of mine once asked me why I put time in to a vegetable garden. Granted, we have not done that in two years, but we are very skilled at horticulture. My friend suggested that for many of our vegetables it would be probably cheaper to buy them when the time involved was considered. I was in shock. For me, there are few things more personally encouraging than seeing something I have worked on come to fruition, and even conclusion. His response to that answer was that I would be one of the few that would survive if everything went to heck, and we had to rely on that sort of function to survive. Well, in light of recent events in our economy, I think we might be really close to that. I have watched Annie's college fund dwindle to nothing. I do not know if my retirement fund will recover. That said, I have a phenomenal job. I make a good living, and we can do the things we need to. We just have to work hard to make things happen the way we want.

Annie will grow up knowing how to do everything necessary to manage a home. She will never look at tools with trepidation. If it has to be done, she'll do it. That is my gift to her. She will be one of the most independent women I have ever met. I am sure of it. Her choices will be made strictly from her heart with the requisite balance of the mind. I am so proud of my little girl.

Thank you, God. You may have crapped on me at times, but you managed to get one thing right...

I woke up at 2:00 am last Saturday realizing that I had lost the microbiological battle with the cold virus. I didn't go back to sleep as a result, and then I discovered one of those things that I think only happens because I am getting older. I decided to go to the bathroom to clean the drainage from my nose, and use the facility. That was when I stepped out of the bed, and felt the spear of pain from my foot. Apparently, I had twisted/sprained my ankle while asleep. Well, I am better now. I am young, and I recover. Screw you, you entities that enjoy inflicting random troubles on people...

That is my excuse for not writing in a while, but not the reason I am writing. At the end of last week, I told Annie that I did not like the fact that I find myself working longer hours into the evening, while she busies herself alone. She agreed, and I have made a concerted effort this week. She has been as happy as the proverbial clam as we worked on things around the house this week, and I am practically bursting with pride. We have cleaned out the area where we hope to put the new chicken coop, and she was absolutely stellar. She cut branches with the shears, she hauled huge branches on her own, and all with a smile. She was proud of the accomplishment. If I do nothing else, that is something I want to instill in her. Work hard. Be proud of what you have done.

Yesterday, we hauled the firewood platform up the hill from where it was originally built. She was not really that much help, but she tried, and she was proud. She realized that she could not do much, so she placed herself where she could help direct me. "Daddy, there is a branch over there... Watch out for that stump..." She was dismayed when we had to stop, and frustrated when we did not get as far as she wanted.

Today was the culmination of my pride. I had finished work (for a couple hours, anyway), and we went to borrow the neighbor's tractor. Annie steered it home, but I had her get off while I tried to move the dirt to level the area for the new chicken coop. Did she stand there and twiddle her thumbs? No. If I left an area for any length of time, she attacked it, and started throwing the clods down the hill side. I broke a stump, and she went at it whole-heartedly. She used her hands and feet to finish moving it out of the way. At one point, I told her that I was not very good at the leveling thing. She looked at the area I was working, and said, 'Daddy, just go to where the bumps are, and put the shovel down there.' Good advice. After doing that for a while, she said, 'Maybe now you should use the thing (the blade) on the back.' She was completely right. We made good progress, and she was very proud. In fact, she is a little upset that she will not be here when I finish the job.

She has no problem getting her hands dirty, and she has my face when we start. Stern. Determined. Calculating. Then we do it.

Thank you, God. Your plans may look like screwing me most of the time, but You provided me with the most marvelous daughter. I could not imagine anything better. I'm still ticked at You, but thank You for that one...

Cock-a-doodle-doo...

We have returned from our great adventure aboard the Sea Odyssey. It was a blast!!! I think the kids' (and my) favorite part was the net. The 'net' stretches across the two pontoons at the front of the boat, and that is where the kids all flopped as we went in and out of the harbor. They could look down and see the water and kelp beds as we went, and they thought it was incredible.



Once we cleared the harbor and picked up speed, they all went to the front. We saw sea otters, sea lions, harbor seals, a variety of birds, and talked about marine biology. It really was a great field trip. All the students got a turn at 'driving' the boat. Several of them were chosen to hoist the sail, but I think that turned out to be more work than they had anticipated, and the instructors ended up doing it by themselves, but the students didn't know it.

They learned about navigation, ecology, and the food chain. They took compass readings to triangulate their location, and looked at plankton samples under a microscope that they collected. I really enjoyed the microscope work, and want to buy a microscope for us that we can hook to the computer (Christmas).

My only possible faux pas was when I lost it when a boy decided that he didn't want to do what he was told and ran out in the sand for the second time. I used my fatherly baritone to bark instructions at him that left no doubt as to the need for compliance. As he sprinted back in to position, I turned to see his mother. Apparently, she was not angry with me, though because we talked many times after that. I don't like directing kids when their parent is there, but I was at my wit's end (not with him, just in general as we milled around in 'waiting' mode). I don't know, maybe some parents like having someone that can play the bad guy, so they don't have to. Annie's fourth grade teacher told me she liked me on the field trips because some kids simply respond better to commands from a male. It probably doesn't hurt that I am rather tall, and my 'command' voice is deep and punchy. I am not loud, and it is one of the few times I am not verbose...

Anyway, we all had a blast. Right when we arrived, the fog burned off, the sun warmed us, and there was just enough breeze to make the water agreeably choppy, and the sail full. I might get sick of the liberalism, but California has incredible adventures around every corner, hill, and tree.

Almost a Californian...

Let me make this as brief as possible... for me. Annie and her friend were on the trampoline and wanted to be sprayed with the hose. They had changed into Annie's play clothes, and after some preamble, I sprayed them down. Annie's friend is at least a foot shorter than her. Nevertheless, at twenty feet away, I suddenly realized that Annie's friend had begun growing boobs. I dismissed it out of a desire to ignore the possibility for Annie. Much to my frustration, they brought it up. Annie and her friend told me that her friend was growing boobs and had a bra. Annie informed me (inaccurately) that she was, too, and needed a bra. They. Are. Nine. She talked to her mother tonight and her mother told her that she would buy her some bras for here and there. I told Annie that we didn't need her mother to buy a bra for our home. Anyway, I am not in any way ready for this...

Update (next day): I am still not ready for this, but I don't think the other girl is really growing breasts. I suspect that because of her somewhat diminutive stature, she is looking for something to make her seem older. I think she was wearing a sports bra or something, and that is what looked like breasts when they were playing in the water on the trampoline. I think I can understand her frustration, though. We spent the day at the Boardwalk where there were still rides that she was not tall enough to enjoy. Heck, they barely let her ride the bumper cars. The most poignant example, though was when I was buying something in a store. As I was paying, the lady at the register asked the girls if they were returning to school tomorrow. The nodded (they were tired), and she asked in a voice that adults reserve for talking with little kids what grade she was in. I noticed it, and thought, 'why are you talking to her like that?' The girl responded that she was in fourth grade, and the lady hid a look of surprise before continuing pushing her foot deeper in her mouth. Turning to Annie she said, 'well then you must be in...' Annie knew where this was going, and said, 'no, I am in fourth grade, too.' Growing up sucks...
Please, God, give me strength... If you are freakin' there...

Monday was a holiday, so that is when Annie came home. We had a lot of things to do when she came home, not the least of which was making her invitations to her birthday party here. It takes place this Saturday, and I designed the invitations to give details about the gathering. The first time I designed them, they were perfect, but the picture of her that was included was apparently a bit much for the printer. After about an hour and a half of waiting, I decided that it was not going to happen. The computer locked up of course when I tried to abort the job, and I started over. I reduced the density of the picture, but in my haste forgot to include the date and time of the slumber party. I did not notice it of course, until after she had distributed them to five girls, and a friend politely pointed it out. However, I had included my phone number and e-mail address with a request for confirmation.

Well, my expectation that parents might call me for confirmation and date/time information wasn't happening, so I created new invitations. These went out the next day with one exception (the girl was sick that day). Still no calls. Today, Thursday, either Annie or I have talked to most of the parents and received notice that three of them are not coming. I found out this morning that one is coming, and the other one I think will be a no-show, but Annie is holding out.

She and I talked about it, and I said we will do something special. She had a brief moment of disappointment on her face, but then her eyes lit up and she agreed that it will be fine.

God, I love that little girl...

Wondering how the phones and e-mail of people suddenly died this week...

It has been almost thirty years since I headed off to Wal-Mart with my mom to go school shopping. I know that things have changed, and Wal-Mart is significantly less expensive than Limited Too and Macy's, but this is ridiculous. The only school 'supplies' we bought were a lunch box and a backpack. Everything else was clothing. My parents did the best they could, and it was fine for me. Other kids did not see it that way all the time, and I still remember being ridiculed for not having fashionable clothing. As a result, Annie benefits from an abnormal break down in my typical penny-pinching.

To start at the beginning of our excursion, I have to go back to yesterday. I had to get up before midnight Pacific time to be sure I could make my plane out of Detroit. I struggle to sleep on airplanes, and never get quality sleep. I drift off for a few minutes and wake up feeling pain in joints I didn't even know were there. Consequently, when I picked up Annie around noon, I was already beat. This was compounded by the fact I didn't sleep much in Detroit. Not because I was out having a raucous good time, but because I just couldn't sleep... for four nights. So, my plans for going grocery shopping and beginning clothing shopping were cut to just groceries. I might have let that one go as well, but there was virtually no food in the house. $200 and a couple hours later we arrived home. The rest of the day was spent slowly unpacking, putting away groceries, playing, and eating pizza while watching Psych compliments of the DVR. Annie was struggling with the realization that the schedule had changed back to the 'school routine,' and so I let her leave her bed and sleep in mine after we talked about it. Her frustration was probably compounded by the fact that she had also not slept much the previous night.

This morning the adventure began. We pulled out all her clothes and went through what fit, what was too stained to where to school, what was in good shape but had been assigned to her list of clothes she never wanted to wear again, and made a list of what we needed. It actually wasn't as bad as I had expected, but I knew it was going to be expensive when I saw that she had no jeans left at all. She is as hard to fit with decent jeans as I am, so they are not cheap. We could not find any long sleeve shirts, which was high on my list of priorities, because no one stocks them until it actually gets cold. Why would anyone want to plan for that sort of thing? Everyone is an impulse buyer wanting what is necessary only for right now, right?

Anyway, our school booty ended with:
3 short-sleeved shirts
4 jeans
1 pair of shorts
1 pair of capris
a bunch of socks
2 pairs of shoes
1 backpack
1 lunchbox
1 cami
for a grand total of about $350.

To make me even more concerned... maybe that is not the word. Hmmm... To increase my anxiety at how fast she is maturing, many of her shirts proudly indicate some sort of built in bra support construction. I am not quite ready for that, yet. Despite the fact that she chastises me if I dance or sing as we walk to class because it is embarrassing (what if people see?), she still has no issue with holding my hand as we go to class. I know I don't have much more time with that, and I plan on enjoying every single time she permits it.

Dealing with Inflation or just Spoiling?

It has been a long day, but I wanted to share a few pictures. Granted, I had great things to say about these, but now I am too tired. So I will make a couple of comments, but ultimately, the pictures will have to stand on their own. You never know, I might have the energy to say a few things...


Seriously, is there anything better in life than feeling loved by those around you and going to sleep with them close to you with you either feeling like you are protecting them, or they are protecting you?



That black lump next to Annie's head is Lilo... Yes, I wondered if there was room for Annie that night, but she was fast asleep, and had no complaints...

This is a picture of our wonderful hotel made during the class's investigation about how Santa Cruz might have looked when it was first created.



The picture does not do it justice, but Annie looks great! The sign above the second story windows is made from walnut, with wood-burned lettering that says "Hotel Hockanson," so it is really dark in the picture. I think there are 22 windows in the building, and we spent two days making the freakin' windows. If your only comment is that some of the windows are crooked, I will be forced to find a way to have you beaten. This took us so much time, you would not believe. All the siding, flooring, and roofing we ripped on the table saw from left over wood. The roof, and the second story lift off for access inside. We ran out of time before we could partition the inside and make it perfect, but Annie was ok with that because she is going to use it as another building in her playroom. I believe right now that it is currently housing a number of horses and stuffed animals.

Hmmm... I meant to share a 'few' pictures, but one of the pictures came out wrong, so I am sharing a 'couple' of pictures...

No one is going to be able to compete with us when we do the mission model that I believe will be required either next year or the year after.




Happy Daddy...